The visitor
At first she only came while we slept. Leaving quietly when we stirred. Recently she started to poke her head in at random times during the day and evening, as though she was checking on our status - if the environment did not intrude on her silence and solitude then she would stop to share the space with us calmly and freely…but if we were not suitable in our frame of mind i could see the assessment forming in her slow-blinking eyes, the adjustments in her body, slowly looking around for comparisons…and eventually her exit.
so her time here feels like a blessing. and receiving the blessing just once makes me want to have a wide-open welcoming heart all the time. Just in case she shows up again. I would have made the kind of space that’s suitable for her. even without ever really knowing why she comes or why she leaves.
And especially enticing to me is Picasso’s total lack of reaction (whose ear you can see in the bottom left of the picture peaking over the edge of the blanket). Picasso who growls at us if she feels we’ve interrupted her by coming home. Who whines if we disturb her rest. who hisses at other cats without much provocation. This same Picasso stays in her vulnerable napping pose inches from the visitor, unmoved. My imagination feels glee at the possible hidden meanings of this.
the mystery makes it all so beautiful and meaningful.
A message carried so elegantly - aren’t all hearts looking for the appropriate environment to open up in?
She starts to take steps closer to me as I type, maybe my appreciation has inspired her to snuggle me, but then we hear footsteps outside and she decides instead to hide under the patio in the back….i wonder, now, if she is always that close by, waiting for the right sort of stillness in order to visit.
Comments (4)
you wrote this 5 days ago. I am so curious, has anything changed. Has she come closer, rubbed against your leg. Amazing that your other kitty does not hiss and snarl…. perhaps they have a plan…
Oh yes!
She came yesterday, she sat at the edge of the bed. I never hear her enter - so suddenly she was simply there, as usual, like an apparition - a spirit guide, maybe?
i had moved the food dish into the bedroom so that she wouldn’t have to try to evade Foxy the large dog. She just lay on the bed so still and soft. Picasso sat in the doorway with no sound, almost to the point of deference. Eventually creeping around, but very close, to our visitor and out the window. The visitor barely even blinked. Sensing the air for the right moment, a collection of elements I cannot even guess at. I wonder if Picasso has an instinct for the Zen kitty…if she’s deferring to the complete confidence in which the cat assumes a spot for herself…something Picasso doesn’t really have.
When she was appropriately moved she landed on the floor with no sound and had her fill of the food. when the dish was empty she sought out the open, upright bag. Picasso tries this - she meows and meows, paws at the bag, tips it over, and never manages to get food out of it. The visitor rose up on her hind legs, plunged her head in the crinkly bag and without a sound managed another few bites of food. I knew she was looking for food when she would visit, and yet she was never eager or anxious or even distracted. Sometimes only resting or snuggling a little and then leaving without even an attempt. And this time, she sat there for so long, so patiently. I think this is the first time since her visits began that she actually decided to or managed to eat. She let me watch her full on for the entire time she ate (often she would leave if i looked at her for too long), even stretching out her chest when she finished, sitting regally, revealing her impossibly smoky, ethereal gradations of grays and whites along her chest. More like smoke than fur making her seem less tangible.
It’s completely mesmerizing. So wonderfully mysterious. I feel giddy whenever she shows up. Is she guarding us? Bringing a message? Surveying the worthiness of our environment and lifestyle? The mystery of her is too beautiful for me to enjoy the explanation of an ordinary, hungry cat.
I’ve only had the opportunity to pet her twice. both times she had come close enough to me to reach without me having to move very much. And since she tends to leave when approached I thought she’d probably be shocked by the touch and disappear. Instead, both times she delighted in it, curling her body around mine, nuzzling and purring. I struggle with the urge to possess her and tame her every time I see her, but it would be an empty attainment if she lost her mystery - if i gained her affection but lost the blessing of her sudden arrivals. So i restrain myself and practice being as unconcerned, without urgency, as she is when she shares space with me.
sigh.
there is quite a treasure in connecting with the wild, and still leaving it wild. such as this gift in your life~
Our wild visitor has gotten herself knocked up and is thoroughly nesting. Which is very adorable and I’m secretly looking forward to kittens - even though, in reality, it’s a nightmare to think of how we’ll find room in the world for more kittens!
but the gift of her - that dance of wildness - it’s still working in me.